A Mantra: I Deserve It All

So, like everyone else with ears and a soul, I’ve been living inside Kendrick Lamar’s latest album. There’s a track on there, Man at the Garden, that’s been living rent-free in my head on repeat, both literally and figuratively. Kendrick’s voice is calm but insistent, like he’s laying down the law: I deserve it all. He says it over and over again, like a mantra. I deserve it all.

And every time I hear it, I feel this strange tangle of emotions. Part of me is nodding along like, Damn, that’s powerful. Say it louder for the people in the back! But then there’s this quieter voice inside me that whispers, That can’t be for you.

Because when you’re stuck in the I should be further along loop, believing you deserve anything, let alone everything, feels like a stretch.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been chasing this imaginary version of myself. The one who has it all figured out. The one who’s successful, healed, and thriving, effortlessly checking off goals like it’s second nature. You know the version I’m talking about. She’s poised. She’s steady. She looks back at this uncomfortable version of me with a knowing smile and says, Wow, you made it.

I’m not her yet. And because I’m not, my brain loves to remind me: You should be further along by now.

Truthfully, this isn’t the first time I’ve been caught up in the I should be further along spiral. It shows up like clockwork, usually at night, when the world is quiet and there’s nothing to drown it out.

You should have figured this out by now. You should be healed. You should have that career move locked in. You should, you should, you should.

It’s wild how sneaky that word “should” can be. It shows up like it’s on your side, but all it does is build a trap. Should doesn’t inspire me. It shames me. It whispers, If you were really enough, you’d already be there.

But I’m slowly starting to realize: I am doing the work.

I’m showing up for myself. I’m having the hard conversations. I’m unlearning the patterns that got me stuck in the first place. I’m trying. And maybe I’m not all the way there yet, but I’m partially there.

And that counts for something.

The world doesn’t celebrate “partially there.” It doesn’t throw parades for people who are in the middle of their process, still figuring things out. But I’ve started to think that’s exactly what we should be celebrating.

Being “partially there” means you’re doing something! You’re putting in the effort. You’re showing up, even when it’s uncomfortable, even when it feels like you’re not moving fast enough.

That’s where the growth happens… not in the arrival, but in the becoming.

And then there’s Kendrick, whispering in my ear: I deserve it all.

The first time I really sat with those words, they felt almost ridiculous. Like, What have I done to deserve it all? I’m not where I thought I’d be. I haven’t finished what I set out to do.

But then I realized something: Deserving has nothing to do with earning.

Let me say that louder for the people in the back (and, honestly, for myself): Deserving has nothing to do with earning.

I don’t have to check off some mythical to-do list before I’m allowed to say, I deserve love. I deserve rest. I deserve joy. I don’t have to reach some milestone before I’m allowed to feel whole.

And maybe that’s what Kendrick’s really saying in Man at the Garden. He’s not just claiming what’s his… he’s rejecting the idea that he has to justify it.

I deserve it all. No qualifications. No disclaimers.

If I’m being honest, the hardest part about this season of my life is the waiting. The “not yet.” The feeling of being in the middle of my story and wishing I could fast-forward to the good parts.

But what if the good parts aren’t just at the end?

What if they’re here, too? In the struggle. In the small steps forward. In the lessons I don’t even realize I’m learning yet.

I’m starting to believe that the “not yet” isn’t a punishment. It’s a gift. It’s where resilience lives. It’s where self-compassion grows. It’s where I learn to stop measuring my worth by how far I’ve come.

I don’t have to be further along to deserve anything. I don’t have to be fully healed, fully successful, or fully anything to say, I deserve it all.

So here’s where I’m at: I’m not there yet.

But I’m doing the work. I’m showing up, even when it feels like I’m moving in circles. I’m growing, even when it feels like nothing is happening.

And that’s enough.

It’s not perfect. It’s not always comfortable. But it’s real. And if I’ve learned anything from Kendrick, it’s this: Deserving isn’t about arrival. It’s about existence.

So I’ll keep listening. I’ll let those words sink in a little deeper each time: I deserve it all. Not just the shiny parts. Not just the big wins. But the whole uncomfortable, imperfect, in-progress thing.

And maybe one day, I won’t just hear it… I’ll believe it.

Until then, I’ll keep reminding myself: This is part of the story too. And where I am right now? It’s not just okay. It’s enough.